


incognito

by twinklyhowell



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Established Relationship, Fluff, Fluffy, M/M, Phan - Freeform, a lot of lil arguments between them, angsty??, yh its angsty
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-14
Updated: 2015-08-14
Packaged: 2018-04-10 16:11:19
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,044
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4398602
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/twinklyhowell/pseuds/twinklyhowell
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"what are we?"<br/>"what do you mean, phil?"<br/>"we're hiding in the shadows that the walls we've surrounded ourselves with have created."<br/>"i just always thought it was safer this way."<br/>"maybe we should put ourselves in danger then."</p><p>the one where dan and phil isolate themselves from the world because they're afraid their friends may accidently out their relationship.</p>
            </blockquote>





	incognito

**Author's Note:**

> this fic is inspired by one of my mutuals on twitter who tweeted this ((https://twitter.com/supernovalester/status/623739492252393472)) so parris i dedicate this to u

a cool breeze enters the apartment through the lounge window in the late afternoon, and dan's body shivered, attempting to adjust to the sudden change in temperature in the room. phil sat beside him, the two watching the latest episode of food wars together on the tv. dan nestled his head into the crook of phil's neck, and phil wraps an arm around dan's waist, his fingers tickling dan's side softly. dan let out a soft purr to let phil know not to stop, and the two stay in that position until the sun kissed the horizon goodnight. 

after a while, phil realised the lounge is now coated in a thin layer of darkness, and so phil leaves the comfort of the couch and his boyfriend to turn the light on, allowing both men to see clearer. he pulls his phone out of his back pocket and a small gasp escapes his lips. "oh shit."  
"whats up?"  
"louise texted me half an hour ago asking if we wanted to join her and jack for dinner, they're not going until 7:30 so we still have an hour to get ready if you want to go?"  
"i'd rather stay in and eat."  
"dan, we've already blown louise off twice this month, i'd feel awful doing it again."  
"it's just difficult, you know that."  
phil let out an exasperated sigh. "fine, we'll order pizza." he back over to dan and leant down over him, resting his hands on dan's thighs. "but you're paying." phil placed a soft kiss on dan's forehead before walking to his room. dan ran his finger through and rubbed his eyes. it almost made him want to cry how much they had been avoiding their friends, but he wasn't taking chances anymore.

* * *

it's one thing to live your life how you want, making your own choices and deciding your own future, but living a life that is broadcast to the internet through different platforms of social media is more difficult. dan and phil always found themselves scanning rooms they entered for cameras, as a simple snapchat or instagram photo or background vlog could mean that everything they had tried so hard to keep under wraps for the past 3 years would be out there for the world to see. it would no longer be dan and phil from the internet, but rather dan  _and_ phil from the internet. 

the thought of being judged has always frightened dan, a lot more than it does with phil. the idea of over a million pairs of eyes noting every move they made was daunting, and dan felt as though if they were to be open with their relationship, then it would only make them more vulnerable. and if dan was completely honest, he wasn't ready for any of the drama that their viewers were sure to start. 

so instead, they hide in the walls of their apartments, and act almost robot like when with friends that enjoy vlogging, as the slightest slip up or hand holding meant a world wind of comments and opinions and dan was mortified of what would happen to them. he loved phil with all his heart, he'd never loved saying a word more than phil. the way it rolled off his tongue onto his lips, it sounded so sweet and vanilla and rich and dan loved thinking about phil and talking about phil and talking  _to_ phil, and he didn't care how wide his eyes became, dan was passionate about phil, he'd never met someone so incredible and he wanted everyone to know how genuine and real he was. 

phil was his best friend, his room mate, and his other half, and not a day passed dan's mind where he wasn't thankful for the world they had created together. 

* * *

 dan layed next to phil on the mattress, resting his hand on phil's wrist, rubbing his thumb in a circular motion. nothing was more serene than a quiet evening in, tucked up in bed, mindlessly internet browsing. they enjoyed the silence, but they mainly enjoyed how they both knew the night would end with cuddles and kisses until one fell asleep on the other in the early hours of the morning, just in time for the sun to peek from the distance and shine light through phil's window. 

"what are you thinking about right now?" dan said, his head leant against phil's chest, playing with phil's hands, locking and unlocking their fingers.  
"a lot of things."  
"clear your mind for me."  
"why? what are you going to do, dan?" phil asked, puzzled.  
"just think about nothing." dan sat up, his hand on phil's chest, resting softly.  
phil shut his eyes and nodded. "ok."  
"imagine yourself in five years. what's around you?"  
"lots of plants. we have a garden, dan!"  
"what else?" dan smiled.   
"we have a really pretty house, definitely your aesthetic." phil chuckled softly. "i can hear waves rolling against the shore, it's like our backyard is the beach."  
"anything else?" dan drew patterns on phil's chest.   
"you." phil began. "oh my, dan, you're so beautiful. you pushed your fringe back out of your face, and your smile creases are still as beautiful." phil opened his eyes, and they instantly met with dan's, resembling warm chocolate. "you're so beautiful dan."  
dan pressed his index finger against phil's plump lips and hushed him. "so are you, angel." he cupped phil's cheek and pressed his lips against phil's, and before they knew it, their lips began to exchange heat.

there was something so intriguing about the way that dan kissed phil that left phil breathless. perhaps it was the way his lips curled when he smiled into the kiss, or the giggles that escaped his lips during the kisses. or maybe it was the way dan's skin rubbed against phil's, something so soft and delicate that made phil's hairs stand on end. at the same time, phil felt as though dan's lips were stained with a certain type of sultry that left his wondrous mind aching in the early morning, almost begging to know the secrets he kept at the back of his mind. dan was a map and phil loved to explore each and every bump and crevice and bruise and joint, sometimes he knew dan better than dan knew himself. 

"hey dan?" phil fell out of his thought.   
"yeah?"  
"remember when you told me i couldn't love you?"  
dan let out a soft sigh. "yes."  
"you said no one could love someone who didn't even love themselves. you were so hard on yourself. you always told me you were too sad and that you'd be a burden on me."  
"yeah."  
"im glad you're an idiot. im glad that none of it was true. im glad that you're happy. im glad that i have you and that i can love you.  because i love you so much dan, so, so much."  
"i love you too phil."

* * *

 as the two took their seats on the plane, phil squeezed dan's hand softly, and placed a soft kiss on dan's cheek. dan smiled and squeezed phil's hand back, before mumbling, "i love you, but we're in public, remember?"  
louise, who was seated in front of them, turned and grinned wide. "if it isn't the lovebirds."  
dan raised a finger to louise's lips. "shush, not so loud." his face was flushed red and he scanned the plane anxiously.   
"oh dan, you know i wouldn't out you guys. now get your kisses out of the way, i need you to be in this vlog with me!"

phil grinned, his fingers pressed against dan's jaw, leaning in to peck dan's lips gently, smiling into the kiss. 

"so, i'm on the plane headed for los angeles and look who i found!" louise began, her voice bold and energetic. she held the camera in front of the two boys, and they both waved politely. "it's my favourite beautiful british boys!"  
"oh louise," phil exclaimed, "you're too sweet!"

louise turned the camera off and placed it beside her. "you two keep quiet behind me, im going to take advantage of this 16 hour flight by sleeping as much as i can, i suggest you do the same." she smiled and blew them a kiss before adding, "i still dont understand why you dont just tell them."

"louise you didn't start filming until after we stopped kissing, right?" dan asked, completely ignoring louise's previous sentence. "because if you did, you can't use that footage, please delete it, what if someone sees it and uploads it?"  
"there's no point in convincing him lou, dan's just afraid, but i know he'll be ready one day."  
"i just dont think it's healthy for the two of you to have been hiding this for so many years, it's changed you both a lot."  
"what do you mean?" dan snapped, now paying attention to what louise was saying.  
"i never see you boys anymore. none of us do. even when we're forced to hang out at these youtuber events, you just spend all your time in the hotel room or hiding in a corner at a party. i can see how draining it is for you boys, always hiding when a camera is pulled out."  
"remember what happened with zoe and alfie?" dan began to argue. "they weren't ready for the world to know. but after they were outed they were forced to explain their relationship. phil and i are different." he paused for a few seconds, looking into his friend's rich blue eyes. "they didn't expect zoe and alfie. our fans, they already assume. they already feel as though we're keeping a secret from them, which we are, but, i know that we would not get the same supportive response as zoe and alfie did. our fans will be angry, we spent so long denying it, shutting them down instantly, deleting tweets and videos that gave it away so easily, but they saw it all. and we never gave them a good enough reason for why we did the things we did. i dont want to tell them because i know how disappointed i'll be with myself."  
"dan, maybe it's a risk worth taking? you know your fans will not stop supporting, any that do because of your relationship with phil aren't true fans to begin with."  
"but it's the idea. i dont want it to blow up, but it's much too late for that. we've built this routine, deny, hide, avoid. we're scared,  _i'm scared louise._ "

dan rested his head against phil's shoulder, instantly wrapping his arms around phil's waist shakily, before remembering where they were. "sorry phil," he muttered, sitting back up, his hands intertwined together, rested in his lap. his voice was shaky, holding back tears. "i cant even hug phil because im scared of what people will think. im not ready for the world to know that dan and phil really are dan and phil."

* * *

 

"wake up, sleepy!" dan lazily opened his eyes and was greeted with a kiss on the forehead, and he felt phil's hand rested softly against his cheek.  
"hi phil," dan wrapped his wrists around phil's neck, and pulled him down for a kiss. he felt their lips touch and the electricity was enough to wake dan up instantly, and dan kissed harder, nibbling at phil's jawline.  
"dan! we're about to go to a panel, are you sure you want to do this?" dan's eyes looked down, and he sat up, kissing phil on the cheek before walking to the bathroom. he ran the water and splashed his face. as he patted his skin dry, he looked in the mirror and saw phil standing at the doorway. "you know, you could kiss me on stage."  
"or i could kiss you when no one can see us."  
phil's smile lessened at dan's comment. "oh."

phil had always been indifferent on telling the fans about his relationship with dan. he saw dan's point of view, he knew how frightened dan was about it, knowing that millions of people would be able to judge him. the thought of coming out meant they were vulnerable, and dan was not only afraid of how people would see him, but also phil. phil, however, didn't care. deep down, he was tired of hiding. but it had become routine to them. as soon as a camera was pulled out they became invisible, and it hurt phil. he wanted to tell his fans how much he loved dan, and every little thing dan did. he wanted to talk about dan in videos and younows and at youtube events and he wanted to brag about how lucky he was to have dan. because he felt he was, dan was a treasure and he could get anyone he desired, but he had stuck around for almost 6 years to be with phil. and phil never understood why. but he didn't mind. so many times, he just wanted to kiss dan when they were in public, or hold his hand, or cuddle with him during a livestream, but he respected dan's decision to keep it private.

there was a part of phil who thought perhaps dan was ashamed of their relationship, that maybe dan would be embarrassed if their fans knew they were together. he tried not to think about it too much, and instead kissed dan in their safety of their apartment, or under the sheets in their hotel room, and restrained from holding hands in public, even though sometimes the urge was too much for him, and he'd brush his hand against dan's only to get a look from dan that said "not now, please."

phil wondered how long it'd take before dan was ready. phil wondered if dan would _ever_ be ready. but he didn't mind too much. because he loved dan. 

"what are we?"  
"what do you mean, phil?"  
"we're hiding in the shadows that the walls we've surrounded ourselves with have created."  
"i just always thought it was safer this way."  
"maybe we should put ourselves in danger then."

* * *

 dan wanted to tell them. he wanted to tell the world that phil was the love of his life. phil, his room mate, his best friend, his everything. he knew how he felt about phil, how solidified his feelings were. he was never ashamed of their relationship. he was tired of kissing phil behind the curtains or under the sheets. he wanted to parade the streets, their fingers intertwined. he wanted to nibble at phil's jawline in the middle of a party, or wrap his arms around phil's waist on stage. he was hopelessly in love, and he wanted everyone to know. 

but after a while of digging yourself into a hole of lies, it only got deeper, and dan was tired of digging. after looking at himself in the mirror for almost thirty seconds, with phil still clutched to his hip, he decided. 

"phil?"  
"yeah babe?"  
"i want to tell them."  
phil's eyes widened. he knew exactly what dan meant by those four words, and he tried his best not to seem too excited. "today? on stage?"  
dan's head dropped. "not today. it's too soon for me. i want to tell them, but i need some time."  
"im glad you've thought about this dan."

the heaviness that sat upon dan's shoulder's was lifted momentarily, and in an instant, of being completely breath taken by phil in his navy blue button up, their lips just brushing each other's, dan had never felt happier. soon, all the hiding, the isolation would be over. 

dan knew that phil was his, and he wanted the world to know as well. 

 

* * *

 

"please welcome, Dan Howell, and Phil Lester!"

the crowd turned into an uproar. the screams were deafening but somehow the two men made it onto the stage alive. they waved for a seconds before raising the microphones to their lips. 

"hi guys!" the two said in unison, and the screams became more high pitched, posters waved high, and the numerous waves of phones and cameras flashing to take photos.

"so, im dan!"  
"and im phil!"  
"it's so lovely to see you all, how are you enjoying VidCon?"

the crowd began to quieten down, and there was a collective response of enjoyment from the audience.

"thats good to hear!" phil continued. "i ordered 2 waffles for breakfast this morning, and room service brought me 3! it was a miracle!"  
"you should have seen his face," dan added. "his eyes lit up and he let out this little squeak, it certainly didn't sound human."

as dan continued to talk to the audience, phil began to daze off. he watched the way dan stood, merely centimetres from him. the way his fingers danced when he spoke, and how dan turned his head to look back to him every couple seconds. dan was wearing a plain black t shirt but somehow it seemed to hug dan in all the right places, from his shoulders, to his hips, and dan's usual pair of black skinny jeans made his ass more prominent. dan began to wave his fingers in front of phil's dace, and that's when phil snapped out of his thoughts. 

"oh sorry, i started daydreaming! all this talk about the waffles, i still haven't recovered properly!"

dan gave phil a quick glare as they both turned their backs to the audience and sat on their seats. "nice save, you spoon."  
"i couldn't help it, you look so good."  
dan leant over his arm rest and raised a hand to his mouth, whispering in phil's ear. "if there wasnt thousands of eyes staring at me right now, i'd kiss you."  
"maybe you should stop letting them get between us," phil mumbled, his lips barely moving. 

if dan was completely honest, he didn't know why he couldn't just _kiss_ phil. maybe he was just shy about kissing someone when other people were watching. sure, he'd kissed phil in front of their friends before, but it had only been a couple people. maybe the large crowd made me nervous about messing up the kiss.

 _what are you whispering about?_ someone yelled from the crowd.  _shit,_ dan thought.  _we're still on stage._  
"classic phil, forgot what he was supposed to say next!" dan forced out a chuckle, and his lips curved slightly, satisfied with how genuine it sounded.   
"it's the waffles, im telling you!" phil exclaimed. "anyways!"

* * *

 "thank you for coming, have a good VidCon!"

as soon as the two were off stage behind the curtain, they were immediately greeted by their friends, but dan wasn't ready to greet anyone just yet. 

"what the hell was that?" dan said, raising his voice slightly.   
"what do you mean?" phil asked, confused.   
" _maybe you should stop letting them get between us_? what are you getting at? that our relationship is ruined because of the fans?"  
"thats not what i meant, dan, i just sai-"  
louise cut them off. "you two fight more than an old married couple! please, we're in public!"  
phil began to take a few steps before dan, before he noticed dan shuffling back. "dan?" his voice broke, as he choked back tears.  
"do you love me?"  
phil looked at dan. his warm brown eyes were cold with tears, and he watched them slowly stream down his cheek. he stepped forward once more, and wiped them away slowly, his eyes never breaking contact with dan.   
"do you love me?" dan mumbled, asking again.  
"i love you," phil whispered. "i love you dan," he repeated again louder. "you have no idea dan. no idea how much i love you."  
"then why did you say that on stage to me? you made me feel like shit. like im holding us back from something more."  
"it was inconsiderate of me to say that, im so sorry dan. i just, im so glad to have you as mine, i just want to let them know you're mine." 

* * *

 dan sat on the edge of the stairs of the hallway, running his fingers against the soft carpet. 

"come on dan, let's film the video, and then i'll buy a pizza or something to cheer you up!" phil stood behind him, his hands rested on dan's shoulder's, rubbing his thumbs against dan's back. 

"cant i just stay here? i dont feel so well."  
"do you want me to get you something to drink or eat?"  
"not that kind of unwell." dan's face went pale, his eyes drained of their chocolate colour.  
"shuffle over."

phil sat next to dan on the stairs, and wrapped an arm around dan tightly, and dan let himself fall in the crook of phil's neck. phil smelt piney, and dan placed his hand on phil's inner thigh to bring him closer.

"i love you phil."  
"i love you dan."  
"do you mean it?"  
phil pressed his lips against dan's cheek, and felt the warmth from his skin. "always. i love you so much."

* * *

 

"phil!" dan called out from his bedroom, enclosed in his bedsheets. "i think i found the one!"

phil came rushing through the halls, and practically jumped onto dan's bed, staring at the laptop screen. "it's beautiful. and look at that view!" he placed the laptop on the table beside dan's bed, and straddled dan's hips. "we have to get it, ok?" he leant down, tracing lines on dan's chest.  
"can we get a dog? as well as the house i mean."  
"yes, yes, yes!" phil beamed, his grin plastered across his face from ear to ear. "dan, i love you." he pressed his lips against dan's, and the warmth was back. dan tasted sweet again, almost fruity, and he ignored the fact dan's lips were chapped as he noticed something about dan he hadn't seen in a while. dan's eyes lit up, his next words made phil's jaw drop to the floor.

"let's make a video about it."  
"about the house? and the dog? do you want our fans to have a heart attack?"  
"not just the house or the dog. everything."

phil knew. dan knew. and now the world would know. 

"i love you dan."

* * *

 _"hello internet!"_ the video began to play.

dan and phil sat, watching the video together, their legs sprawled around each other, rewatching it, and phil placed carefully timed kisses along dan's jawline. "you look good there," phil said.

 _"so, today, im here with phil."_  
_"hi guys!"_  
_"and like the title of the video says, i have a secret."_  
_"oooh, mystery!"_  
_"no joking around phil, this is important."  
_ " _ooh."_  
"so phil, we've known each for 6 years now."  
"what a long friendship, im surprised you haven't gotten sick of me and my socks yet."

the two chuckled in the video, and they always laughed watching it back. "i love you and your socks," dan said.

 _"well, im not entirely sure how to start this."_  
_"it's okay."_  
_"i love phil. i am in love with phil. i mean, look at him, you can't blame me, can you?"_  
_"shut up and get to the point dan."_  
_"phil and i have been dating for almost 5 years now. i never thought we'd be together this long honestly, i thought maybe he'd move on, but he stuck around. just like you guys did with both of us. and i normally would never make a video to announce something like this, because this is not what my content is about. but phil and i, we, have big things planned. and we want to take you along with us. not with phil and i, but with us."_  
_"we're moving out!"_  
_"into a house, nonetheless."_  
_"can we get a dog?"_  
_"thats mainly why we're moving."_

phil paused the video. "dan, it's done. they know. no more hiding."  
"it feels good phil. it really does. im so thankful to have you phil. not just as my boyfriend. but as my best friend." his voice became shaky, but he quickly shook off the nerves. "you're always supported me, and i know it took me so long to build the courage to tell them, but there's no more stress now." he wrapped his arms around phil's neck, pulling him close. "i really do love you phil."  
"i love you dan."

 

**Author's Note:**

> this was one of my fave fics i've written so far, and it took me so long to write, so please give it a kudos if you enjoyed, it'd help me out a lot! :)))


End file.
